Monday, February 05, 2007

Clearly, there has been an error

Dear Higher Power,

Today is not the Monday I ordered. In fact, it is so far off that I suspect that I have entered a completely different day from someone else's life, or perhaps a poorly delivered Monday. There is ample evidence that there has been a mistake of some sort:
  1. It is below zero here in "Chicago." In the Chicago were I normally live, we have plenty of foul and changing weather, but not air temperatures of -7 degrees F.
  2. I am nearly done with my "work day" and no one has refused my requests, made unreasonable demands, or dismissed things that I say. In fact, I am being asked for advice. Furthermore, no one is yelling. In fact, very few people seem to be here.
  3. I can see the top of the desk behind which I am sitting.
  4. Today is clearly not the beginning of a marathon that will end on Friday night. I seem to have few commitments, and am getting hints that the rest of the week will allow me to work only 40 hours this week.
  5. Each time I get up to move around, I experience something that feels like the fuzzy, swirly scene transitions used in sitcoms.

All of these things lead me to believe that this is not a Monday from my life, but instead a half-delivered or defective Monday. It seems that you got the general idea right, but several of the details wrong. I do not wish to cancel my subscription, which is only 1/3 used up. However, I am asking that you employ more effective quality control prior to releasing your product.


A Confused Customer

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